I have come to the end of these series. I have enjoyed relieving these moments that cracked me up from time to time. I have enjoyed hearing from you; sharing your private moments with me. That has been delightful. It is has been pure, undiluted joy thinking through these moments. I think this will be the final installment (I am a serious person o but people do not know. Hahahahaha. I am so serious that I write hilarious moments) and hence I share some of my hilarious moments. Enjoy them; until we see again.
I remember the first time I heard the word “strategic alliance”. It sounded nice, elegant, suave and cool. It was in a class where I was preparing for exams in supply chain management. The lecturer, Dr Ray Carter, went on to describe why and whom one can have strategic alliance with — your critical and core suppliers & stakeholders. He went on to explain that deep conversation, analysis and stakeholders’ engagement need to be held so that both parties can synchronise their objectives.
I know you are wondering where I am going with this. Actually I am going nowhere and there is no catch in ths story except for the fact that when he wanted to illustrate the opposite of strategic alliance, he told us to think about the relationship we have with whosoever mows our lawn. In Ray’s Word “I can only imagine the conversation you will be having with your lawnmower. Maybe you will both be discussing the future of lawn mowing”. The future of lawn mowing indeed.
The Almighty Formula
As a young fella, we were rarely ill. The thing is that with 7 kids, my mum was juggling too many things and so she had no time for any frills or shrills. We grew up not crying. Yeah that’s true. Till date I wonder why kids throw tantrums. With my parents, you will throw tantrums and afterwards the tantrum will throw back at you. They had no time for you on such things. If you cry, my mum will allow you to cry yourself to sleep. I think she believed that no matter how hard you cry, tears will not replace blood. When you have cried yourself to stupor and you realise that the strategy does not work, you will advise yourself to stop. And upon stopping, my mum will laugh it you. De thing de pain sha. So somehow nobody cried in my household.
Remember I started with illness. My mum had one drug for all the illnesses that plagued you. It was Saridon P. If you had fever, she will give you Saridon P. If you were coughing; you take Saridon P. Saridon P ruled majestic. It had a glorious spot on the top of the fridge. Visibly displayed, the cure of the Omins' illness and the defender of their health — you dare not open it without being instructed to.
One of my brothers prohecied that one day this conversation will issue in our household.
Son — Mum, I am hungry.
Mama — Take Saridon P.
Son — Mum I am hungry and not sick.
Mama — My son, hunger is a disease and Saridon P can cure it.
That is how well that medicine was trusted.
Take It Easy
Saturday is football day. As I said before it is football for those without any ambition in football as a career. There is a “but”. We have a coach. Let’s call him Coach K. Don’t confuse him with Duke’s Coach K though he can rival him with his dose of wisdom and wisecracks. Our coach is almost 70 and he plays the game with us. He is quite good and he manages himself well. Any day it rains on a Saturday morning, you will see grown men sitting around; moody and hoping that the rains will come to an end. It is a pitiful sight but then we always hope for the best.
Coach has a way of getting his message across. It is always terse and precise. Coach runs the field with proverbs and wise-cracks. He has stories to tell and has seen life in many dimensions and perspectives. In one of those games, one of us (remember we are mid-age fellas chasing two balls — one in our tommy and the other rolling on the pitch) tried a bicycle-kick aka bicycleta. It was a chance he would have easily converted but he wanted to make it remarkable and so he went for an over-head kick (aka bicycleta). Most definitely he missed the kick; who does a bicycleta with pot belly and succeed.
Coach was disgusted and he said “Monkey never chop, e wan smoke cigar”. EPIC. Whats else was there to say. QED
The Final Call
Do you remember mid-night calls? When the telecos made all of us to stay woke and make calls. Most of those calls were made to …you know who. It helped to lubricate relationships.
And there was this friend of mine and she told me this story. The story is not original to me but she told me in person; it is her story. She said she was always trying to get a good place to get the call for two reasons — get good signal and also dodge her dad’s interference of the flow of gist. You know as an African, there are conversations that when you are having it and your Dad appears, you practically freeze; physically, spiritually, mentally and in every other form.
One day at about 2am, she ran into her Dad while she was on the call with…., you know who. Her dad told her calmly “No need to hide and make calls, you can even use the sitting room. Just know that all those calls will land on my table”. WORD !!!!!
In case you enjoyed this, I have other hilarious moments that I have captured before. Here they are: Hilarious Moments Of Life, More Hilarious Moments (II), Hilarious Moments III , Much More Hilarious Moments IV, Hilarious Moments V , Hilarious Moments VI, The Hilarity Of The Drive (VII), Hilarious Moments 8 and Hilarious Moments 9
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