More Hilarious Moments (II)

Since I wrote Hilarious Moments of Life, I have become more observant about my children’s behaviour. I’ve had people share a number of hilarious moments with their kids with me. More so, it became one of my most read works. I think this is because, like the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding I & II, people can relate with it.

In the spirit of hilarity, I present to you, more hilarious moments.

Spiritually Alert

This morning, before leaving the house I prayed for “Colourful” (more on him on Colourful) . I believe my faith is the only thing I have to literally transmit in spirit and practice to my children. He bowed his head and received the prayers. His brother was not around and so I told him, “say the same prayers I have said to you to your brother”. As I approached the door, he ran towards me and inquired “Dad, if I pray the same prayers with my brother, will the blessings leave me to him or will they still be mine?” Welcome to my world.

Dancing In The Desert

We were out on a family outing. Nearby was a mosque and after some minutes of being there was call for prayers from the Muezzin. “Colourful” starts dancing. Wondering what was going, the following conversation ensued.

Me : What are you dancing to ?

Him: Can’t you hear the music?

Me: Dede, it is a call to prayers.

Him: Ok but Daddy I am enjoying the music

Very soon, Colourful will be dancing to the melodious and soulful music emanating from the vuvuzela. Mark my words.

The Magic Letter “W”

In my varsity days, during the holidays I spent most of my time teaching most of the kids in the neighbourhood. From organizing Bible Classes to Mental Maths to Lifer Lessons etc etc. I just wanted to be useful. The kids were all sorts. First they were kids and then I grew up in those “wonderful “ places in life. It was not great neither was it banal. It was just there. but the great thing is, it never lack excitement and entertainment.

In one of those days, I was teaching this kid the alphabets. It went well until I scrambled the letters and made him to point of the alphabet. “W” was the sticking point. I explained it to high heavens and back to earth. My guy just dey there. de thing start to de pain my body.

So I told him to take a break and come back after playing for like 10 minutes. As he walked away frowning, he told a younger child (not knowing I was watching him) “When Uncle was my age did he know that letter ?” It was one of those “shift lemme faint “moments. No better expression that that (Thanks Nigerian English / proverb). See effrontery. Ibot imaha nwed.

My Spanish Guitar

I ran into this elderly lady, who is from the same tribal stock as moi. As you know when you meet you elders, you allow them take the lead and you follow. If dem greet you for language, you must answer for language. She started a conversation in the mother tongue and rapped in the local dialect. Who am I in the scheme of things to dare the attempt to speak in English? I followed the lead. It was going on very well.

My kids were around and oblivious of what we were saying courtesy of the fact that as products / remix of an intertribal marriage with a mother that speaks no Nigerian language, they are almost doomed to speak only English. It is their fate in life.

The conversation ended and I bade the lady good-bye and as we walked away, I noticed the loud silence of my otherwise bubbly kids. I took notice but it was ok. And from out of the blues, Colourful blurted “Dad, I never knew you could speak Spanish”. Eyen obong edi obong. QED

Of Sarah & Abraham

My friend took her kids to visit a family. The children were very happy to go out but their mum did not know their hidden agenda. Some days earlier in Sunday School, the kids were taught about Sarah who was barren. So the kids had one word to contemplate over the weekend and add to their lexicon. As you know kids tend to use the words they have learnt of recent in every conversation. As my former manager will say, when you see a title in a man’s complimentary card, it means he just acquired the degree.

The scenario is set; kids were in the house of whom they had gone to visit. Mother was chatting with her friend (host). As the host went upstairs to get munchibles, kids got up and went to mum.

Kids: We are here to play. Where are her children?

Mum: She does not have any for now.

Kids : Mum, is she barren ?

Mum is mummified, orders kids not to say a word until they leave.

Ehm. Na so e be.

As the mother explained to me, thank God they did not ask when she was around. How would she have explained the issue of barrenness to the lady? It would have seemed she was been discussed. No knowing they just learnt a new word.

Always Listen To Mama

In my house, my parents allowed us to eat from anywhere and everywhere. Well, that made logical sense since we lived and were surrounded by our kith and kin. Eating from others mainly revolved around those people. We did not suspect people. My parents never implanted the concept of enemies and evil doers in our mind. They were not naïve but they wanted us to live with all the freedom of choice that we could afford.

But begging was a mortal sin. Same with lying. Same with not being around when my dad gets home. Stealing was met with capital punishment. Let me saying it again. You cannot be caught stealing. Ok. Then one other thing. There was one of our relatives my mum specifically told us not to eat in their house. She never explained it. It was an instruction.

One Christmas day I went to this house and I was offered food. My mum’s instruction was ringing in my head but I went against it. Food was great but the meat was different. I have never eaten a thing like that before. It bothered me and so I decided to ask one of the kids. With tears in his eyes, he told me “Mum killed out favourite cat and used it for Christmas stew”. Ehm ! Again, shift lemme…

Those are my moments for this week. More to follow on another time on this frequency

Hast la vista.


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